This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
