At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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