she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
