yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
