So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
