i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
