you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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