he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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