you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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