Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
