We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
