The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
