First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
