Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
