listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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