when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
