The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
