It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
