There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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