is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
