wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
