i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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