I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
