you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My penis needs a shock collar
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
