Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
