my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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