Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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