i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
