so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
