were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
