maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
