apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
