Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
