i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
