well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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