i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
