I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
