remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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