His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
