my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
