its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
