I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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