How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
