How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
