a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
