Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
