am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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