You're completely useless in the revolution.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
