I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
