i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
