I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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