I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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