it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
