i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Houston, we have a blender
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
