So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
