There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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