nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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